Wednesday, May 31, 2006


Sunday, May 21, 2006

Unholy Water

1.5 shot Gin Skol
1.5 shot Grain Alcohol Everclear
1.5 shot Rum Captain Morgan
1.5 shot Tequila Jose Cuervo
1.5 shot Vodka Smirnoff 100

Use all clear liquors. Mix all six shots in a large glass. Leave in freezer for thirty minutes, then drink...but don't try to drive...or walk...

I don't know who this is, or what this is, but it's awesome.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Real AND Imagined

I've always been a flaming heterosexual. I recall Mom telling me that I flirted with my doctor the minute I came out of the womb. Regardless, unless Charlize Theron comes to my house and breaks down the door to get to me, I'm staying straight.

So I got to thinking about all the crushes I've had over the years. I remember this hot guy who lived across the street..he must have been 4, and I was 3, but I remember him. Mike. Hot. Oh, and I wanted him. We swam nude together, so I've been told. Thus, you can't blame me for my lascivious desires. It seems I've always had hardcore crushes on the most INTERESTING men. Some are quite understandable-even today. Some are beyond horrific. I can't believe I'm letting you in on this, but I trust you. Please feel free to mock. I deserve it.

My very first actor crush, according to Mom:
Nick Adams aka Johhny Yuma from the show "The Rebel"

Two words: no clue. But Mom told me in the day I'd bawl when the show would end, and yet I'd ask if I could marry him. The show was cancelled in 1968 when he bought the farm from a drug overdose. I was 6. So it begins.

Around the same time:
Johnny Quest

Yeah, I know he's a cartoon character, so have been several of my exes. He was blonde, young, adventurous, and had a great dog. So, shoot me. I was a kid!

Then, I remember,
Kurt Russell

He was in a Disney movie by the name of "The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes". Hot piece of ass. Still hot, but he annoys me now, and I'm talking about then, so get out of my ass.
Got a LOT of my crushes from Disney, namely,

Jan-Michael Vincent

The movie was, "The World's Greatest Athlete". He was so blonde, so tasty, those abs....rowrrrrrrrrrrr...sorry. Had a mild TIA. Have you seen him lately? Oooh. I'd show you a pic, but I don't want to hurt your feelings. Suggestion? Riding a motorcycle hammered without a helmet, crashing, and skidding on your face for a mile does NOT add character. Lips are an awesome thing. Try and keep them.

Barry Manilow

Shut the fuck up.

Barry Gibb

Shut the fuck up! I was a kid, and look at that loaf!

Then...I started to get some taste. Started surfing, starting listening to FM radio, started improving my palate.

Bruce Penhall

Even before he was on "CHiPs", which I hated, he was a speed racer, and he was effing hot. Are you disagreeing with me? Whores!

Cheyne Horan

One of the hottest.surfer boys. ever. Aussie. Beefy. Alternative. Bisexual. What? Dunno, but that came out later.
Weird then, hot now. Yum.

More to follow...

Monsters of pop take Eurovision title
'This is a victory for rock music,' says frontman for Finland's Lordi

Saturday, May 20, 2006; Posted: 7:47 p.m. EDT (23:47 GMT)

ATHENS, Greece (AP) -- There's a giant stadium, highly toned participants, intense rivalry and flag-waving fans from many nations.

It's not the Olympics: It's the Eurovision Song Contest, the annual kitsch extravaganza, known for its bland dance music and bubble-gum pop, that sees acts from 24 countries face off before tens of millions of television viewers.

But in a stunning upset for the contest that launched the Swedish group ABBA, a Finnish metal band with monster masks and apocalyptic lyrics won the contest late Saturday.

The band Lordi scandalized some of their compatriots when their song "Hard Rock Hallelujah" was chosen to represent the nation. At a press conference, the band's frontman said his plan for the final was to "scream louder. And turn the amps up."

"This is a victory for rock music ... and also a victory for open-mindedness," the band's lead singer, Mr. Lordi, said after the win -- Finland's first. "We are not Satanists. We are not devil-worshippers. This is entertainment."

Combining crunchy guitars, a catchy chorus and mock-demonic imagery, Lordi is reminiscent of U.S. '70s stars KISS -- an acknowledged inspiration of Mr. Lordi.

Band members never appear without their elaborate masks and makeup, and do not reveal their true names.

Lordi beat an unusually eclectic 24-nation field, which ranged from the perky pop of Danish teenager Sidsel Ben Semmane and Malta's Fabrizio Faniello to the balladry of Ireland's Brian Kennedy and the country-pop of Germany's Texas Lightning.

Regarded by many as the contest good taste forgot, Eurovision is adored by fans of camp everywhere.

"You don't imagine something so bad could be so good," said Carmela Pellegrino, an Australian who traveled to Athens from London, England, to watch rehearsal ahead of Saturday's finale.

Since 1956, it has pitted European nations against one another in pursuit of pop music glory. Previous winners include '60s chanteuse Lulu, ABBA -- victors in 1974 with "Waterloo" -- and Canada's Celine Dion, who won for Switzerland in 1988.

Saturday's showdown was broadcast live in 38 countries to a TV audience estimated at 100 million. Some 13,000 fans packed the indoor arena used during the 2004 Olympic Games, from Goth supporters of Lordi to cowboy-hatted Germans supporting Texas Lightning. Some 3,000 police officers were on duty for the event.

NBC announced plans earlier this year to replicate the formula -- a forerunner of "American Idol"-style talent contests -- in the United States, with acts from different states competing for viewers' approval.

The European Broadcasting Union, which runs Eurovision, said it was in talks with NBC over rights. If successful, the American version could go ahead as early as this fall, said the group's director of television, Bjorn Erichsen.

Athens staged the event because Greece won last year in Kiev, Ukraine.

Lordi received a trophy shaped like an ancient Greek column, and the show opened with a garish musical number inspired, organizers said, by Greece's rich history, mythology and sparkling seas. The hosts -- Greek pop singer Sakis Rouvas and "Access Hollywood" correspondent Maria Menounous -- made their entrance by "flying" onto the set, which resembled an ancient theater.

Some of the acts, like Switzerland's Six4One, stuck to the classic Eurovision formula of catchy tunes and blandly uplifting lyrics, singing, "If we all give a little, we can make this world a home for everyone."

Ireland's Brian Kennedy offered a syrupy ballad entitled "Every song is a cry for love," while Bosnia's Hari Mata Hari said it hoped to bring people together with the love song "Lejla."

Some acts were more daring: Latvia's Cosmos perform a cappella on "I Hear Your Heart." Others were optimistic: "We are the Winners," by Lithuania's LT United, consists largely of the lyrics "We are the winners of Eurovision."

Yet Eurovision victory is no guarantee of fame.

Dion and ABBA went on to glory -- as did Olivia Newton John, who lost to ABBA while competing for Britain in 1974. Other winners have sunk without a trace, victims of the "curse of Eurovision."

Many of this year's competitors are big stars in their home region but little-known elsewhere. Swedish diva Carola -- a previous winner, in 1991 -- has sold millions of records, while Lithuania's Andrius Mamontovas has performed for crowds of 60,000 in his homeland.

Copyright 2006 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed

Sunday, May 14, 2006


But the mug...not so much.

Friday, May 12, 2006


I hate prank shows, but this guy is AWESOME.

He maybe the single gayest dude in the world.

Friday, May 05, 2006


You think you know good music?
You don't know anything, unless you know my pals in this awesome band.
San Diego's finest...just ask the SDPD.
When was the last time you saw a mohawk like this?

I, sir, subscribe that the answer is NEVER!

Listen to them. Now.
I'm not it!
You can thank me later.
Also, help them become millionaires by pre-ordering their new CD here:

Get this video and more at">


Thursday, May 04, 2006


Why oh why does this turn me on?
(Thanks to poisongirl666)

If could only be improved if the the boys involved were the Winter brothers,
or Ville Valo and Ryan Reynolds.

I need sleep.

Monday, May 01, 2006


Wendy: Tripper, I'm looking forward to some action this summer. I hope you can supply it.
Tripper: I'll supply it for you, but the guy you gotta watch out for is Spaz!
Wendy: Spaz?
Tripper: He's a sex machine.
Wendy: He couldn't wake me up with a trumpet and a drum!
Tripper: Well I went out with him one night and he got off six nurses by himself, and four of them couldn't report to work the next morning!

David: I dated this girl for four months, and it was the best thing in my life! Until she went down on this guy in... an Escalade, I think.
Andy Stitzer: Where is she now?
David: Oh she's dating some pot dealer which is a stupid horrible decision, but hey - that's her journey. If she wants to be a fucking immature bitch and blow everybody...
[Gets flustered, but calms down]
David: But that's love, man.

Monty's Mom: So I called your house today, at two. You were still asleep, weren't you?
Monty: That's an understatement.
Monty's Mom: So what did you do last night? I trust my little angel didn't do anything immoral.
Monty: Well, ummm... Let's see. I started by getting completely hammered drunk. It was bad. Then drove, while intoxicated, to pick up this disease-infested hooker.
Monty's Mom: Uh huh...
Monty: From there... uh, let's see. Me and the hooker went back to my place...
Monty's Mom: The hooker and I.
Monty: Excuse me. The hooker and I went back to my placeand from there... God, it was just a blur of interveneous drug abuse and unprotected sex, while taking the Lord's name in vain.
Monty's Mom: Dean, did you know that when Monty was a child everyone thought he was retarded?
Monty: Dean, doesn't my mom look old? I mean, much older than she rightfully should?
Monty's Mom: So why aren't you and Serena still together? I liked her.
Monty: I don't know. I guess it got old. We had a relationship based on orgasms.
Monty's Mom: Oh, how charming. You are being safe aren't you? I don't think I could handle the idea of you reproducing.
Monty: Come on, mom! Of course I'm being safe. I pull out.
Monty's Mom: Yes, well your father pulled out too but we've all seen the tragic end of that story.
Monty: You think I wanna have kids? Absolutely not! That's why I stick to anal sex.
Monty's Mom: If only I had been so lucky.

"Bonaduce" back on VH1 schedule for fall
By Andrew Wallenstein

LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) - VH1 is bringing back "Breaking Bonaduce" and a fleet of other returning series to its bustling "Celebreality" Sunday block, the network said.

"Bonaduce," a chronicle of the turbulent times of radio DJ and former "Partridge Family" child star Danny Bonaduce, will return in October for a second season with eight episodes.

Perhaps this season we'll have the pleasure of watching Gretchen going postal on McFugly, or the three-and-seven-year-olds petitioning for emancipation from the both of them. Maybe Countess Isabella Michaela Bonaduce and Count Dante Jean-Michel Valentino Bonaduce (like I'd shit you about names like these) will run away to join a circus as carnies-you know-where the clowns at least have names like Binky and Chuckles, not Daddy and Mommy. And if you're wondering, well, of COURSE I'm going to watch this travesty. As if...






The Crying Game aka What the Fuck is That?
1/5 Jack Daniels
1/5 Lime vodka
1/5 Kahlua
1/5 Irish Cream
1/5 Grenadine
1 oz Tequila
1 oz Rum
5 oz Tomato Juice

Mix JD and Vodka together with Kahlua. Heat over medium flame Bailey's, Tequila, and Rum. Mix all together with tomato juice and top with grenadine. Garnish with a stalk of celery and green onion. Enjoy!!!