Saturday, May 20, 2006

Real AND Imagined

I've always been a flaming heterosexual. I recall Mom telling me that I flirted with my doctor the minute I came out of the womb. Regardless, unless Charlize Theron comes to my house and breaks down the door to get to me, I'm staying straight.

So I got to thinking about all the crushes I've had over the years. I remember this hot guy who lived across the street..he must have been 4, and I was 3, but I remember him. Mike. Hot. Oh, and I wanted him. We swam nude together, so I've been told. Thus, you can't blame me for my lascivious desires. It seems I've always had hardcore crushes on the most INTERESTING men. Some are quite understandable-even today. Some are beyond horrific. I can't believe I'm letting you in on this, but I trust you. Please feel free to mock. I deserve it.

My very first actor crush, according to Mom:
Nick Adams aka Johhny Yuma from the show "The Rebel"

Two words: no clue. But Mom told me in the day I'd bawl when the show would end, and yet I'd ask if I could marry him. The show was cancelled in 1968 when he bought the farm from a drug overdose. I was 6. So it begins.

Around the same time:
Johnny Quest

Yeah, I know he's a cartoon character, so have been several of my exes. He was blonde, young, adventurous, and had a great dog. So, shoot me. I was a kid!

Then, I remember,
Kurt Russell

He was in a Disney movie by the name of "The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes". Hot piece of ass. Still hot, but he annoys me now, and I'm talking about then, so get out of my ass.
Got a LOT of my crushes from Disney, namely,

Jan-Michael Vincent

The movie was, "The World's Greatest Athlete". He was so blonde, so tasty, those abs....rowrrrrrrrrrrr...sorry. Had a mild TIA. Have you seen him lately? Oooh. I'd show you a pic, but I don't want to hurt your feelings. Suggestion? Riding a motorcycle hammered without a helmet, crashing, and skidding on your face for a mile does NOT add character. Lips are an awesome thing. Try and keep them.

Barry Manilow

Shut the fuck up.

Barry Gibb

Shut the fuck up! I was a kid, and look at that loaf!

Then...I started to get some taste. Started surfing, starting listening to FM radio, started improving my palate.

Bruce Penhall

Even before he was on "CHiPs", which I hated, he was a speed racer, and he was effing hot. Are you disagreeing with me? Whores!

Cheyne Horan

One of the hottest.surfer boys. ever. Aussie. Beefy. Alternative. Bisexual. What? Dunno, but that came out later.
Weird then, hot now. Yum.

More to follow...

1 comment:

RockitQueen said...

Lola, I would never mock your men! Grrl, I used to have a thing for Manilow, too!!! What WAS it about him? Remember when he was on the Muppet Show?

Whoo, that surfer!!! I've never seen him before...or that CHiPs guy. I would have been all over that shit. And "skidding on your face for a mile does NOT add character"—LOL!!!

Excellent choices and great memories!!