Monday, March 06, 2006


IF THEIR MEN CHEATED, I'M THROWING IN THE TOWEL

On a scale from one to ten, how stoopid are Richie Sambora and Charlie Sheen? And no, this isn't a trick question. It amazes me that some people (read: men) have all that is considered perfect in the universe of chickdom, and they go and ruin their families by cheating on their wives. Their HOT wives. Wives that are maybe the hottest wives ever. Basically so hot that if Heather asked me to marry her, I'd say yes, although she's awful chickie for me, and I do like the penis entirely too much, but, I digress, because Heather be thy name, I'd still marry her, but I wouldn't do her laundry and I still don't take out the trash. Denise, on the other hand, is so hot that my ex said she was so effable that he'd do her nine months pregnant while she was getting an epidural-hence why he's my ex. But I get it-and Charlie was getting it, but blew it, or blew someone, and blew the marriage. He is NOT looking yummy anymore (come on-he looked way hot in Hot Shots and Ferris Bueller), but that was pre-rehab and Heidi Fleiss, and the years have not been kind facially to der Carlos Estevez. What could he have been thinking? "My wife is so hot that I'll go out and boff some other chick, because I've hit the pinnacle of hot, therefore, it's not really cheating if she's less hot than my wife?".

Maybe he thought he wasn't worthy. Maybe Richie thought he wasn't worthy. Maybe they discussed how unworthy they were while paying a hooker eighteen bucks and a sammich for a bj in the back of Burger King in Ohio. Maybe they were doing each other. Regardless-if Denise and Heather's husbands cheated on them, then I might as well give up. You go to the gym five days a week, two hours a pop, you eat your veggies and take your vitamins, you bake them cakes, you buy them jammies, you STILL swallow after ten years of domestic bliss, and yet, your lesser than slams the first skanky strumpet that offers to slurp the googe on a Thursday afternoon for a goof. It's just wrong. Hence my belief that the only man a straight girl should marry is a gay man: at least you KNOW ahead of time that he's going to punch the mucnhkin with some sassy tart, but at least he'll have a good job, dress beautifully, cuddle with you while you watch the Oscars, and talk shit with you about your girlfriends and their cheating rat bastard husbands.....

2 comments:

RockitQueen said...

Amen! What is wrong with those idjits?? Excellent rant, sista.

David said...

"Show me a man married to a beautiful woman and I'll show you a man tired of fucking her"

-- No idea who said that