MOVIE QUOTES OF THE WEEK
Jarko Grimwood: [about his vampire Pomeranian] Precious, isn't he?
Hannibal King: Well, that depends who you ask. Because clearly, this dog has a bigger dick than you.
Jarko Grimwood: And when the fuck did you see my dick, fuck-face?
[he kicks Hannibal in the face]
Hannibal King: Ow!
[points at Danica]
Hannibal King: I was talking to her!
Danica Talos: Tell us about Blade, King. What's this weapon he's planning?
Hannibal King: I can tell you two things. One, your hairdo is ridiculous. And two, I ate a lot of garlic, and I just farted. Silent but deadly.
Gary: McKinley needs to experience "The Ultimate"!
J.J.: You mean, penis-in-vagina?
Gary: No, dickhead, sex.
Wet Hot American Summer
David: I dated this girl for four months, and it was the best thing in my life! Until she went down on this guy in... an Escalade, I think.
Andy Stitzer: Where is she now?
David: Oh she's dating some pot dealer which is a stupid horrible decision, but hey - that's her journey. If she wants to be a fucking immature bitch and blow everybody...
[Gets flustered, but calms down]
David: But that's love, man.
40 Year Old Virgin
Stan Gable: What are you looking at, nerd?
Booger: I thought I was looking at my mother's old douche-bag, but that's in Ohio.
Booger: What the fuck's a frush?
Revenge of the Nerds
Jonathan Steinbloom: [referring to his mother] You could say she was overly protective - I just like to think she cared about me, which she did, a lot. And I was a member of the chess team and whenever we would have chess tournaments I had to wear a protective helmet, I had to wear a football helmet. Now who knows what she was thinking? Maybe she thought that we might have fallen maybe and impaled our heads on a pointy bishop or something, I don't know.
Terry Bohner: This is not an occult science. This is not one of those crazy systems of divination and astrology. That stuff's hooey, and you've got to have a screw loose to go in for that sort of thing. Our beliefs are fairly commonplace and simple to understand. Humankind is simply materialized color operating on the 49th vibration. You would make that conclusion walking down the street or going to the store.
A Mighty Wind